Exactly what is love? Is it just an emotional response to outward beauty? Or is it something deeper? These questions have plagued me my whole life. I mean really. Does true love, a deep, deep, true love exist within the framework of humanity?
I am the product of a traditional family, meaning that both of my parents lived in the home and stayed together for fifty years. They struggled to stay together; they worked their butts off to maintain our family. They gradually found a way to not only be together but grow and thrive together. It was not a fairy tale.
Fairy tales are rubbish. A story made up to show a moral principle perhaps, but it is a fabrication, nonetheless. Especially, those that are written about love. Snow White for example is a bit hokey about love. She bites an apple, takes a nap, and is brought out of her coma by ‘true love’s’ kiss. Seriously?
Let us assume that true love does exist. If there is such a thing as ‘true love’s kiss’ would it not be your first kiss? No one ever forgets their first kiss. In this enlightened society that we all live in, we should be able to ‘know’ what true love is, right? If that logic is sound, then why is the divorce rate astronomical?
Why is perversion everywhere? If true love exists, then the world should be the greatest place to be at this exact moment. Instead, homicide rates are insane, STD’s are insane, and the single-family rate is insane. That is a lot of insanity. It is also why I believe that true love is a fairy tale.
If you fall in love with someone, why do not you ‘stay’ in love with the same someone? Here is my take, or should I call it ‘The Divorced Perspective?’ When you fall in love with someone there is a ‘newness’ about it. You become giddy about things. However, the more you learn about your ‘true love’ the less ‘newness’ there is about it. Eventually, true love becomes tolerance. You wake up in the morning and they are there. You go to work and come home, and they are there. It all becomes rather mundane, right?
Now, before anyone wants to be a critic of what I have written allow me to set the record straight. I have experienced love. I was married. I have tried dating since my divorce. Single life is a bit of a bore. Dating is worse so. Marriage is indescribable.
Michael Bolton and the Isley Brothers sing that ‘Love is a Wonderful Thing.’ It is true, love is amazing. I tend to think of it as fleeting as well. Love gets your blood pumping; your brain thinks of nothing else but the object of your affection. Those are the moments when you feel ‘in love.’ Your heart races, you have an overwhelming sense of giddiness.
The other moments are those where you feel cornered, or just worried that you will not measure up on any number of fronts. All to often, at least this has been my experience, people refuse to be themselves. It is like a contest to see how long people can keep the mask on. Instead of being real, we (yes, I included myself in this) try to be what the other person expects us to be. For me, I often try to appear normal.
I suck at it. At what you may ask. The short answer is all of it. Normal, my normal, is a bit skewed. Severe PTSD hampers my thinking and dating is stressful even when you have your crap together. So, it is best if I avoid it. Still, I like to think that true love exists, but that it may not be in the cards for me.
Or maybe it will, that is the greatest thing about love. It is rarely as simple as we would like to believe. And far more complicated than we would ever consider. It is an emotion and a full-time job. It could be an adventure with the ‘right’ person, but all too often it is a train wreck where all the passengers died.
So, I wish you all the best of luck on this grand travesty called love. May fortune favor you and the wind gently blow into your sails.
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